Killed In Action
by abstract0118
Summary: Natasha is left to cope with the news of Clint being declared 'Killed in action', not that she is coping very well. All character belong to MARVEL! Includes the Avengers.


**This story is about Natasha coping with the news of Clint declared killed in action.**

I walked out of my room at the new Avengers Tower.

It had been 2 months after the incident with Loki and me and Clint were still just friends.

There is nothing wrong with that it's just...I want more.

I know. It's a terrible emotion. Emotion are terrible in the first place.

I wish they never existed, because then I wouldn't feel like this.

Nothing had ever happened between us, but I just felt without purpose when he wasn't around me.

I came into the living room and found Tony holding his phone in his hand, with the other Avengers surrounding him. They all looked very anxious.

They turned around immediately when they heard me come into the room.

"Hello. Is everything alright?"

"Natasha...i'm afraid there has been some bad news." Steve said sorrowfully.

Clint was out on a mission, but that...that doesn't mean that he's...that he's...

"Clint was declared 'Killed in action' a week ago."

This...this wasn't true.

"No...no you're lying. He is still alive. That wouldn't happen. Not to Clint." I argued.

This can't be true. I have no one else.

"I'm sorry, Natasha. There was an explosion and he was...he was caught in the middle of it." Tony explained.

"No. I'm calling the Director. JARVIS, video call Fury." I said, refusing to believe what Stark was telling me.

"Calling Director Nicolas J. Fury now, Miss Romanoff."

I paced anxiously around the living room as the dialling tone continued.

The other Avengers took their seats on the surrounding couches and chairs.

"This is Fury." a voice said.

I looked up at the screen and saw Nick sitting in his seat.

When he saw who it was, he shifted slightly.

"Romanoff, listen..."

"Don't you listen me. Where the hell is Barton?" I asked angrily.

"Natasha, he was trapped in a warehouse when it exploded killing him and several other agents in the process. I'm sorry for your loss." Fury explained.

"Sorry? Are you though? Are you really? Is there any hard core evidence that he is dead though Nick? Well, is there?"

Fury sighed and said "All the evidence we found was burnt to ashes. There was nothing else."

I scoffed and said "JARVIS, end call."

Fury didn't object to my action, but just sat back as I watched his face disappear on the screen.

Once he had gone, I took a deep breath and turned to Stark.

I had an idea.

"Stark, there is a tracking device in his arm. Can we track him?" I asked, still full of hope that he was alive. He had to be.

"I might be able to get the S.H.I.E.L.D software, but Romanoff you heard Fury. Barton's dead." he said in a serious tone. This really wasn't like Stark's usual character at all.

"What's happened to you? Do you not care about him at all?" I asked, accusing Stark of being the heartless asshole that he is.

"Of course I care, but this is going too far Natasha."

"We need to remember him as he was." Rogers said.

"No." I argued back as he started to come towards me. "He is still alive Rogers and I am going to prove it." I shouted at him, but I didn't realise that he had a gun in his hand aimed at my arm.

Before I knew what was happening, I was shot in the arm. Tranquilliser. Great.

I fell to the floor and I saw a Pepper shaped figure running over to me, making sure that I was okay.

_You are not dead Clint Barton. I refuse to believe it. _I thought as my eyes began to shut and I was pulled into darkness.

When I woke, Steve was in the chair next to me and one of my hands was handcuffed to a Stark Tower medical bed.

Brilliant.

"Steve, what happened?" I asked.

He lifted his head to look at me, his eyes filled with sorrow.

"You remember what happened two nights ago don't you?" he asked, very hopefully that I say that I do. I could tell that he didn't want to tell me the news again.

"I know. And I don't care that everybody says that he was killed in action. He wasn't and i'm going to prove it."

"Natasha, we haven't run the tracking device and we are not going to. There is no way that he could've escaped."

"He did escape." I said, defending him. Nobody seemed to be.

"Natasha, we need to remember him the way he was and respect his memory. I'm sorry for you loss."

"Don't be." I snapped. "Because I haven't lost anyone."

I rattled my handcuffs and groaned, because they weren't unlocking.

"Their S.H.I.E.L.D's strongest. Unlocked by a fingerprint. Everyone's except yours. I'm sorry Natasha. You can't be trusted."

I lifted my free hand and placed my second finger over the scanner. It flashed red. Damn.

I groaned and laid down on the bed.

Hmmm. Maybe that'll work?

"Will you at least give me some food? I've been asleep for two days and I can't exactly feed myself with one hand." I said making myself looking weaker than usual and defenceless.

Foolishly, he agreed. I would be able to feed myself with no hands, but Rogers didn't know my full capabilities.

I felt bad for using him, but I needed to see Clint.

He came over with a spoon of soup and offered it to me.

"I'm sorry." I said and head-butted him.

I quickly grabbed his wrist and put his finger on the scanner, whilst he was trying to gather his surroundings again.

I really did feel bad about hitting him.

Placing him back on the chair, mainly out of guilt, I thought about my plan.

Go into Stark's lab, start the tracker, find Clint. Simple.

I was in some kind of hospital clothes. If you can call them clothes.

There were some of my clothes on the side, so I got changed out of the sheet covering my body and into the black jeans, red top and leather jacket that were placed on the chair.

There was a gun on the side of the table, which I took as well.

Once I was changed, I made my way out of the door and headed towards the elevator.

I got in and pressed the button to Stark and Banner's floor.

"JARVIS, where are the other Avengers?"

"Mr. Stark and Mr. Banner are in the laboratory. All other Avengers are on the living room floor."

"Thank you."

I just realised that, apart from Clint, I could always rely on JARVIS, rather than the other Avengers. And JARVIS is a computer!

I arrived at the floor and saw Stark and Banner staring at me.

"Aren't you still meant to be in medical?" Banner asked.

"Nope. They released me a few minutes ago." I replied.

"JARVIS, describe the events since Natasha woke up in medical?"

"Miss Romanoff talked to Mr. Rogers. She then assaulted him and came to this location."

So much for relying on JARVIS to help.

"Romanoff, go back to medical now."

"You can't order me around Banner."

"What do you want then Spidey?" Stark said.

"Don't call me that. And I am here to get Clint back."

Stark and Banner shared a nervous look.

"Natasha. Barton's dead." Banner said, looking at the floor.

"I refuse to believe it." I snapped back at him.

He wasn't dead. He couldn't be.

"You need to face the facts. No one could've survived that explosion."

"Obviously, you don't know him like I do." I said, almost growling at them.

There was a long silence and they were just staring at me.

"So, are you going to help me or not?"

"What if we stop you?" Stark asked.

"I'm not asking for your permission. I'm asking for your help."

Banner and Stark looked at each other. Banner nodded at Stark and then said "We'll help you."

I breathed out and said "Good. Now, can you get the software from the S.H.I.E.L.D system."

Stark laughed and said "You're kidding, right? I hack their systems daily."

He went over to his computer and typed quickly on the keypad.

"How long will it take Stark?" I asked.

"It should take quite a few of hours to hack and then a couple of hours to track Clint. So we are looking at the earliest time of 24 hours." he replied.

I sighed and said "Will that be enough time to find him?"

"Natasha, there might be nothing to find." Banner said.

"HE IS NOT DEAD ALRIGHT!" I shouted.

I was getting to the end of my patience.

He is not dead.

"Okay." Stark whispered.

They began hacking into S.H.I.E.L.D and I couldn't stop thinking about everyone's stupid ideas.

Barton isn't dead. They are wrong about that.

I sat down on one of the chairs and waited. I stayed there for hours just thinking about how long i've been with him.

5 years together as partners. How did we spend that much time together and not realise how we felt?

I think he did. I think that I noticed the longing looks occasionally and decided to ignore them. I was just too stupid to realise.

When it goes back to how it was, then I will tell him. I will tell him straight. I'll tell him that...

I have feelings for him. There I said it. I don't love him. I can't love him, but I still...feel...something...

Whatever it is...I hope I can show him...in time. I hope it will just happen.

A gentle hand touching my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts.

I turned around to face Steve, which started to have a purple bruise brewing on his forehead.

"I'm sorry. I had to get here."

The corner of his mouth lifted slightly and "I understand. No need to apologise. However, you do need to eat."

I glared at him and said, through gritted teeth, "I'm fine."

"No Romanoff." he stepped forward. "You're not."

I kept his gaze and kept my lips in a straight line.

Why did Rogers have to be so...persuasive?

"Alright." I said walking to the lift. "You're cooking."

He followed me and before the doors closed I said to Stark and Banner "Make sure you update me on the situation."

I pressed the button to the living room floor.

"He's not dead, Rogers. I know he's not." I said as we began to ascend.

"You need to sleep and get your head straight." he replied.

"There is nothing to straighten out Steve. I'm the only person with the right mind set around here."

He sighed and shook his head.

"Let's just get some breakfast, shall we?" he said as the doors opened.

Pepper and Maria looked deep in conversation until they noticed us and worry swept onto their faces.

"What happened to you?" Pepper asked Steve.

"Let's just say that a Russian got angry."

Maria gave me an evil glare and then went to fussing over Steve's head.

"Natasha, why did you have to hurt him?" she asked.

"I'm sorry. I had to tell the guys how to find Clint."

"I guess I would've done the same for Steve so I can't really blame you." she said kissing Steve on the lips.

"So..." Pepper started, walking with me to the kitchen to leave Hill and Rogers snogging in the corridor. "how are you coping?"

"Coping with what?"

"You know...with what happened to Clint."

"What? You mean his disappearance? Yeah. Stark and Banner are just hacking the software to get his location now."

Pepper smiled slightly as we both sat down on the kitchen chairs.

"Natasha...you know that there has been no disappearance, right?"

"Yes, there has. He escaped the explosion Pepper." I paused and look directly into her eyes and said "I know that he has."

She placed a hand on my shoulder and said "I know that it is hard to get over...but you're going to have to face the fact that he's.." She couldn't seem to formulate the right word, so she just said "that he's left us."

"I'm not facing anything until I am certain that he is gone."

Even if I found out that he was dead, which would NEVER happen, I wouldn't face the facts.

I'd find him. Somewhere.

Steve and Maria came in, interrupting our deafening silence, and asked me what I wanted.

"I want Clint back."

"Right," Pepper started, her temper finally exploding "I have had it up to here with your moaning about Clint not coming back to you. Don't you understand that he is dead? HE'S DEAD NATASHA! We all have to deal with it. NOT JUST YOU. SO JUST DEAL WITH IT ALREADY! HE'S DEAD. YOU'RE PARTNER IS DEAD."

Pepper started crying and Stark must have heard or been informed by JARVIS of her sudden outbreak, because the next thing I knew, Stark was running over to the kitchen picking Pepper up in his arms and whispering in her ear that everything was okay.

Banner came up to, to find out what the problem was.

I stood there staring at her. Frozen.

"He's not dead. Not my Clint. He's alive and i'll find him." I said turning away from the others to go back down to the lab.

I got into the lift and whispered to myself "I'll find him."

**13 hours later**

Over the past 13 hours, I hadn't gotten any sleep.

I had been making sure that the hacking program was doing it's work.

I knew that if I rang Fury up and asked him to give me the program he would just refuse...so I thought that this was the best way.

Going out to find where he was would be pointless. He could be at any of our safe houses.

*PING*

My head snapped up as I looked at the computer screen.

The software had been hacked.

"JARVIS, track Clint's location."

"Tracking Agent Barton's location now, Miss Romanoff."

Several people had come in and out to check on me and I had some of the food that Pepper brought down for me, but apart from that it was just me, JARVIS and the computer.

I couldn't tell whether the computer and JARVIS were separate or the same thing?

"Can you tell me when you have found him please?"

"I will alert you when the search is complete."

I think JARVIS has a personality, because he said when the search is complete and not when he finds Clint.

Did he have no hope as well?

I rested my head on my arms and my eyes began to shut.

When I opened my eyes, I was greeted my the sound of bleeping.

"Clint!" I almost shouted out of surprise getting up to look at the monitor.

I looked at the message that read 'TRACKER CHIP DESTROYED'

My face fell as the other Avengers came through the door, obviously alerted by JARVIS about the news.

My mouth dropped open slightly. How can this have happened? He's dead. Clint's dead.

Tears started to well up in my eyes and I couldn't stop them running down my cheeks.

My breathing began to get quicker and shorter. I began to shake and I could no longer stand up.

I fell to the floor, grabbing the side of the table just in enough time, so that I could sit up against the side.

My body shook as I sobbed into my hands.

"NOOOO!" I screamed as my body continued to shake.

"THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" I shouted, but my words faded away as my emotions were taking over.

My body was wracked with sobs and Pepper came over to hold me.

She struggled to gain control of me, because I was fighting her slightly, refusing to believe that this was true.

But eventually I stopped fighting and settled into her embrace.

How could he just leave me like this? I still owed him. I was meant to finish my debt before he died and I couldn't even do that.

God, I wish I wasn't here and he was. He deserved so much better.

Pepper lifted me up and I was faced with the Avenger's sympathetics glares.

Pepper guided me into the lift and we all went up to the living room.

When we arrived, Pepper sat me down on the sofa.

I didn't move once I sat on the sofa.

What was the point? Wherever I went Clint wouldn't be there? What is the point of even keeping me alive?

**2 days later**

2 days had passed since the news of Barton's death was set in stone.

I hadn't moved of the sofa, apart from going to the toilet twice.

I hadn't eaten.

I hadn't slept.

I hadn't lived.

My life is pointless and I shouldn't even be here.

Outside the window of Avengers Tower, it was dark. Some time in the night. I don't even know anymore. It has like the whole world has stopped.

Everyone has been trying to communicate with me, but I have just been staring into nothingness.

My hair was the only thing normal about me; it was straight, as usual. I could tell my face looked weak without even getting a mirror to see my reflection. I could tell that the make-up that was once on my eyes was now swept around my face. My stomach was thin, because I wasn't eating anything.

Pepper has tried to offer me food, which I have been refusing.

What was the point of trying to survive without Clint?

There was no point to life. I might as well die right here.

I heard the lift doors open, but I couldn't be bothered to turn around.

Why should I?

The other Avengers were in the kitchen, preparing tea I think, and I heard them come out to see who was there.

I continued to stare into nothingness.

"Romanoff, you need to come and see this." I heard Bruce say.

I didn't respond. I just looked forward. I didn't care who was in the room.

"Natasha, turn around." Pepper said.

I remained completely still.

"Tasha?" I heard a familiar voice say from behind me.

I slowly rose from the sofa, shaking slightly due to the inactive use of my muscles, and stood up.

I turned around and saw him.

Clint.

I couldn't move.

He saw me and smiled.

His face was scratched and his suit looked a mess.

"Hey." he whispered.

Hey is what he said.

Hey.

HEY!

I stormed over to him and started hitting his chest.

"WHAT THE HELL CLINT? I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE DEAD! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? GOD, YOU'RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME FEELING LIKE THIS?" I shouted at him.

I tried to keep hitting him, but eventually he caught my arms.

"Natasha..." he said. "Listen to me."

"NO!" I screamed back at him. "I don't want to listen to you. You left me here alone. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WTHOUT YOU?"

"I tried to get to you. Really, I did! But Fury wouldn't let me contact you."

"Fury was in on this?" I asked.

"Yes, he was. But that doesn't matter!"

"OF COURSE IT MATTERS! He could've told me that you were alive!"

"I'm so sorry Tasha."

"No." I said, tears welling up in my eyes. "Don't even say that. Do you know how i've felt? How I feel about this? About you?"

I stopped myself. Wait I can't admit this.

"I mean...I mean...about this situation." I tried to back-pedal, but I could tell that he wasn't buying it.

"Natasha, what do you mean by that?"

"By what?" I knew exactly what he meant, but I didn't want to say it.

"You know what I mean. You said to me 'How was I supposed to live without you?' and 'Do you know how I feel about you'. Don't try and deny it. What did you mean?"

I stopped and tried to pull my arms away from his grip, but he held on tight, causing him to come even closer to me. I was trying to get away and this wasn't helping.

"Barton, get off me." I said, but I was not longer pulling away from him. I think I was trying to convince myself I didn't want this to happen.

"Not until you give me the truth." he whispered, so close that now our foreheads were touching.

"You want the truth?"

He nodded and I said "Well...here's the truth."

Then I pressed my lips against his.

His arms moved from holding my arms to grabbing onto my waist, pulling me closer.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and moaned at the sensation of finally kissing him.

I deepened the kiss and it felt so good to finally be in his arms.

I pulled away from him and slapped him.

I could hear his intake of breath, from the shock of being slapped in the face, but I just pulled his face to mine and kissed him again.

After a few seconds, I pulled his head away and said "Don't you ever...do that...to me...again..." In between my words I placed kisses across his face, the last on his lips.

I pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"I love you." he blurted out.

I stood there, arms wrapped around him and came to the realization that there was no one else in this world that I would rather be with.

"I love you too Clint." I said, breaking into a smiling.

I kissed his lips again, smiling against them, as the other Avengers clapped and cheered.

We broke apart and I hugged him tight against me.

"Don't leave me. Ever." I whispered.

"I promise that I won't" he replied.

I smiled against his chest and then Tony interrupted us.

"So...Clintasha...are we going to have tea or are we just going to stand here and watch you two play tonsil hockey all day?"

I rolled my eyes and said "Can't we enjoy a moment of piece?"

"No. My tower. My rules."

My stomach decided to grumble at that precise moment. Oh yeah. I hadn't eaten for 2 days.

"You definitely need some food, so I am agreeing with Stark on this one." Clint said.

I turned to him and said "How do you care so much about me?"

"How could I not care so much about you?" he replied as we walked into the kitchen together.

**So I hope that you liked this short one-shot. This was just an idea that I had the other day and I will not be turning it into a series! I have my GCSE exams in a couple of weeks and I am going to find it really hard to update, but I will use this as my relax time and I will try to update once a week for you :) x Please review!**


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